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Here at Key West Jokes.com, we love jokes of all kinds, including Dogt Jokes!


A three legged dog walks into a saloon and says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw!"
- <->
- Thursday, January 29, 2009 at 04:47:39 (EST)

From: Joe Primrose - Two men are sitting on a bench, one man saw a dog by the other man and asked if his dog bit. The man said no. So the other man reaches down to pet the dog and the dog bites him. The Man said I thought you said your dog don't bite. The other man said "thats not my dog"

From: Peter D Graham - What do you call a dog which is brown?
Brownie!

From: Daniel R. Schumaier - There was this guy and he was walking along the side walk dragging his left leg. Then he spotted another man dragging his left leg too. They aproached each other and one said, "Vietnam 1969." The other man said, "Dog doo, about a block ago"


Nancy Carson posted this on the usenet
Leana walked into her living room and saw her brother playing chess with their dog.
"Amazing!" she sputtered. This must be the smartest dog in the history of the world!"
He's not so smart," her brother mumbled. "I've beaten him three out of five games so far."
"Why do you say Rex is a carpenter dog?"
Last night, he made a bolt for the door"

Possible New Breed Names by cross-breeding:

  • Collie + Lhasa Apso = Collapso - a dog that folds up for easy transport
  • Spitz + Chow Chow = Spitz-Chow - a dog that throws up a lot
  • Pointer + Setter = Poinsetter - a traditional Christmas pet
  • Great Pyrenees + Dachshund = Pyradachs - a puzzling breed
  • Pekingese + Lhasa Apso = Peekasso - an abstract dog
  • Terrier + Bulldog = Terribull - a dog that makes awful mistakes
  • Bloodhound + Labrador = Blabador - a dog that barks incessantly
  • Collie + Malamute = Commute - a dog that travels to work
  • Deerhound + Terrier = Derriere - a dog that's true to the end
  • Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel = Irish Springer - a dog fresh and clean as awhistle
  • Labrador Retriever + Curly-Coated Retriever = Lab Coat Retriever - the choice of research scientists
  • Newfoundland + Basset Hound = Newfound Asset Hound - a dog for financial advisors
  • Malamute + Pointer = Moot Point - owned by ... oh, well, it doesn't matter anyway

Search Google For Health and Other Information about your
Critter. Just type in the type (Pig, Dog, cat, etc.)

Q: Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
A: Because it scares the dog!

Q: Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?
A: He was trying to make both ends meet!

Q: What dog keeps the best time?
A: A watch dog!

Q: Why don't dogs make good dancers?
A: Because they have two left feet!

Q: What happens when it rains cats and dogs?
A: You can step in a poodle!

Q: Why are dogs like phones?
A: Because they have collar IDs.

Q: What dog loves to take bubble baths?
A: A shampoodle!

Q: What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
A: Ruff!

Q: What do you call a dog that is left handed?
A: A south paw!

Q: What did one flea say to the other?
A: Should we walk or take a dog?

Q: What type of markets to dogs avoid?
A: Flea markets!



DOG RIDDLES

Did you hear about the cowboy who got himself a dachshund?
Everyone kept telling him to get a long, little doggie.

Did you hear about the dyslexic atheist?
He doesn't believe in dogs.

How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster?
Terrier-fied!

How do you bake a cake for Lassie?
You start with collie flour....

How do you feel if you cross a sheepdog with a melon?
Melon-collie!

How is a dog like a penny?
They both have a head and a tail.

What bone will a dog never eat?
A trombone.

What did the cowboy say when the bear ate Lassie?
"Well, doggone!"

What did the puppy say when he sat on sand paper?
RUFF!

What do you call a dog in the middle of a muddy road?
A mutt in a rut!

What do you call a dog that is left-handed?
A south paw.

What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter what you call him he ain't gonna come.

What do you call a great dog detective?
Sherlock Bones

What do you get if cross two young dogs with a pair of headphones?
Hush puppies!

What do you get if you cross a beagle with bread dough?
Dog biscuits

What do you get if you cross a Beatle and an Australian dog?
Dingo Starr!

What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a rooster?
Cockerpoodledoo!

What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie?
A dog that runs for help ... after he bites your leg off.

What does a dog get when it finishes obedience school?
A pet degree.

What goes "Tick tock, woof woof"?
A watch dog.



Famous Dog Quotes and Funny Dog Quotes

A dog is the only thing in the world that loves you more than he loves himself.
     - Josh Billings

We give dogs the time we can spare, the space we can spare and the love we can spare. In return, dogs give us their all. It is the best deal we have ever made.
     - M. Acklam

Do not accept your dog's admiration as being conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
     - Ann Landers

I wonder if other dogs think poodles belong to some weird religious cult.
     - Rita Rudner

The reason a dog has lots of friends is that he wags his tail and not his tongue.
     - Unknown

The average dog is a much nicer person than the average person.
     - Andy Rooney

There is no psychiatrist to be found anywhere in the world like a puppy licking your face.
     - Ben Williams

Dogs love their friends but bite their enemies. That is quite unlike people. We are not capable of pure love and always mix love and hate.
     - Sigmund Freud

Cats and women will do as they please. Dogs and men need to relax and get used to the idea.
     - Robert A. Heinlein

If your dog is too fat, you are not getting enough exercise
     - Unknown

A child's dog teaches them fidelity, perseverance and to turn around three times before lying down.
     - Robert Benchley

Have you ever consider what your dog must think of you? I mean, you come home from the grocery with the most amazing stuff, pork, chicken, half a cow. They must think you're the greatest hunter on earth!
     - Anne Tyler

Anyone who doesn't know what soap tastes like has never washed a dog.
     - Franklin P. Jones

My dog worries about the economy because Alpo now costs $3.00 a can. That's $21.00 in dog money!
     - Joe Weinstein

If you think dogs don't know how to count, try this: Put three dog biscuits in your pocket and give him only two of them.
     - Phil Pastoret

If you pick up a dog that is starving and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. That is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
     - Mark Twain

Dogs may not be our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
     - Roger Caras

You can say any dumb thing to a dog and the dog will look at you as if to say, 'Wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'
     - Dave Barry

My goal in life is to be as good a person as my dog thinks I am.
      - Unknown